depression · faith · fitness · God · how I got here · insomnia · me · running

a little slip

god

I’ve been doing really well for the past couple of weeks. No serious emotional backsliding. But last night, as I was trying to sleep, I stumbled a little bit, mentally. I started thinking about Superman, of course. How I wish he’d get his head on straight. How I would love for him to realize how unhealthy he’s being, how childish, how cowardly. I thought of his son, who is 12 years old and awesome. And how I really hate that I won’t get to see how he turns out. I started to cry a little bit. Then I took a deep breath, and pushed those thoughts away. Instead, I told myself that God has plans for me, and all of this is happening according to his plan, although I have absolutely no idea what that is. That comforted me, and I managed to sleep…for about an hour and a half, anyway. Sigh….I’m so tired of the insomnia. I switched to taking my meds in the morning today, to see if that helps any. Here’s hoping…

I had a long talk with Baby Brother last night. That in itself was enough to make anyone sad. He’s understandably still heartbroken over the split with his fiancee (Ungrateful heifer. I can’t wait ’til karma bites her in the a**.), and over things he’s found out since the split. Really, how stupid do you have to be to break up with the greatest guy on the planet, who did everything for you: housework, cooking, cleaning, laundry, AND was always bringing you flowers and stuff JUST BECAUSE…and then start seeing a married man who has kids and has cheated on his wife multiple times? Brilliant move, that. I’m not a vindictive person, but I’m going to pop popcorn and sell tickets when karma finally finds her. Just sayin’.

Today, I got everything done on my to-do list. Yay! I studied. I researched my textbooks for next semester, plus a couple of local options for classes next summer. I wrote two book reviews (one posted today, the other in a couple of weeks). I revised two chapters. And I worked out. Not only did I work out, I ran. Okay, jogged. Slowly. And not much. Two miles is five laps around my apartment complex, and I did one 30-second interval of jogging on every lap. Not much, but it’s a start. Did you hear that, my inner runner? Soon you will no longer be on the inside

I had a couple of errands to run this morning, so I decided to dress outside my comfort zone (FYI: my comfort zone consists of jeans and a t-shirt, or scrubs). But I dressed way outside my comfort zone today. A long-sleeved, purple plaid shirt that was long enough to serve as a tunic, black leggings, black motorcycle boots, and a chunky purple necklace. I love shoes, especially boots, and I have a ton of them, but it seems like I never get the opportunity to wear them. That’s going to change. I’m going to make the opportunity. Being outside my comfort zone made me happy, so I treated myself to a gingerbread latte from Starbucks.

It was a good day.

start

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