depression · desires · fitness · movies

Does this count as therapy?

I’m having trouble overcoming my innate laziness. I had cardio “scheduled” for yesterday and today. Did I actually do any cardio? No. Nada. Zilch. I couldn’t talk myself into it. Today, I have a semi-valid excuse: a bit of a sore throat and drainage, but it’s nothing serious. I just don’t feel like exercising. Story of my life. Obviously, this is something I need to get sorted out straightaway. It’s good for me. I feel good after I do it. And it’s something I want to do. Okay, it’s something I want to want to do. Which is a totally different thing. Sigh

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of going to the Christmas service at The Saint’s church with her and the Cynic. It was really good, even if I was forced to listen to and sing Christmas music (I’ll explain my dislike of this. Probably on Tuesday.). The message was good, but even better, the church is starting a new message series the first part of January, as well as a 21-day fast and prayer. I’m planning on participating, and now I’m just waiting for some guidance on what, exactly, to fast from (since a food fast is not a requirement).

After the service, the Cynic had to go home to take her kiddo to see Christmas lights, so the Saint and I hung out at Starbucks and chatted for….three hours. Seriously. That’s one of our favorite things to do, and we haven’t had a chance in a while. I enjoyed the crème brulee frappuccino quite a bit, but the conversation was even better. And we covered such a plethora of topics. Actually, we had quite a laugh at the end of the night, imagining an eavesdropper’s reaction to our subject matter.

Imaginary eavesdropper, backing away slowly, eyes wide in horror: I’m sorry, crazy ladies! Please don’t hurt me!

Honestly…we’re so much alike sometimes it’s scary. Last night, we covered everything from God and church, health, fitness, school, demons (and the fact that her sister can see them sometimes), a friend’s pregnancy (and her perfect life, which happens exactly on schedule, how she plans it), whether or not we believe in true and lasting love (not to mention if we’ll ever find it for ourselves), books (and more books), exes (Superman was, unfortunately, a topic of conversation, since she works with him and sees him occasionally). But I think the most interesting topic of conversation was why relationships never seem to work out for independent women (and we number ourselves in that group). This, to me, was also the saddest part of our conversation. I am extremely independent, although I know that in a relationship, some compromise is necessary and important. Am I really destined to be alone forever, just because I refuse to settle?

I hope not. But I’m still not willing to settle.

Today, Baby Brother and I went to see The Hobbit. Yes, I saw it again. Didn’t I mention the hot dwarves? There’s two words I never thought to see together. Personally, I think this post has the top four all out of order, but anyway… It was just as enjoyable the second time, and getting Baby Brother out of the house and distracted for three hours was the main purpose. Well, that and the eye candy, I’m not going to lie. But my mental therapy comes in many forms, and reading and watching movies to distract my brain are two of the main ones. And that movie is sheer magic, to me. The scenery (the landscape) is beautiful, and everything in it is just magic. What would it be like, as an author, to see your book, something you created out of your imagination, brought to life on the movie screen? I can’t even begin to imagine.

But I needed the therapy. I’m a little sad today. I don’t want to be, but I find myself that way. I’ve been thinking of Superman too much today. I miss him. The heart wants what it wants. Too bad this time it’s going to have to learn to do without it. I think that’s the hardest thing.

memory

soul

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