faith · family · fears · happy · insomnia · me · something new · worrying

drama causes insomnia: you know that, right?

drama

This is a true statement:  I don’t like drama.  I just want to live my life, go to work, do my school stuff, hang out with friends and family, follow my own interests, and mind my own freaking business.  I don’t like upheaval.  I don’t like chaos.  I don’t like conflict.  I’m not a fan of change…it tends to send me into a tailspin.  Personal drama results in insomnia and/or panic attacks (SO FUN).  I prefer to avoid drama.  Yet, somehow it always seems to find me.

Despite my stated preference for NO drama, for the past two months, my life has been like Grand Central Station for soap opera actors:  drama everywhere.  It started at work:  my old boss left, my new boss was cool, but her boss was questionable.  Leaving aside the staffing issue and the fact that I didn’t think I’d survive without my (old) boss to provide a voice of sanity, outside of work wasn’t any less dramatic.

Literally the very next day after my boss left, the text messages I got from him changed. We’d texted about work stuff before, that wasn’t any big deal, but these texts were a bit…flirtatious.  (Cue crickets chirping.)  Yep.  At first I thought I was imagining things and ignored it. But it kept happening. So I showed the Diva the messages.  At which point she said “Yeah, I wondered about that months ago, but thought I was being paranoid.”  Um….what?  The Saint concurred.  So did Baby Brother.  And the Diva’s husband.  Namely, everyone in my life except for me had seen this coming, but hadn’t seen fit to warn me.(For the record, they are all fired.  I’m still mad at all of them.)  I have never been more astonished in my life.  I mean, we had a great work relationship, and we were kind of friends, but this…was something else entirely.

That’s when the insomnia started.  Because I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, and didn’t know what to do.  I also didn’t want to hurt his feelings or blow him off.  So we talked on the phone a lot, and he dropped some hints, until it became absolutely clear that everyone around me was right. That’s when the panic attacks started.

What’s the current situation, you ask? (Okay, maybe you didn’t.  But still.)  Well, it’s currently in limbo, frankly.  Steve (as the Diva and I are now calling him while at work) has a new job, new living situation, and a whole lot of issues to get cleared up. But he’s a great guy.  I’m not opposed to the idea, once the issues are…no longer issues.  Actually, I’m totally willing to explore the idea fully after that.

You know what the best part is?  I can sleep through the night again.  (Still having an occasional panic attack, though. Usually sparked by one of his comments…)

 

 

 

 

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